and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize