You smell like a Billy Joel song
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
