I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
