Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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