so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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