I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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