I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize