I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
