i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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