It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
