And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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