If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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