Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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