Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
