Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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