thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
