so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
