Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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