walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
