You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I love black thongs
id be glad to
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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