Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
