Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
