Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
