if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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