Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Girls should come with a carfax report
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
