you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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