then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
