just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
