And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
