I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
