It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Your penis caused this!
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