honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize