Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
