Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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