So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
