Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
