dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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