The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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