I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
