Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
