I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
