she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had to cum in my sink.
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