Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
