We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
