Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
