dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
