They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
