i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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