he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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