I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
