I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
