Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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