so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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