I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
