Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
