Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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