similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
