16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He kissed a someone with a penis
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
