can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up under a house in Key West
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