Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
