You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
