You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
