Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
