he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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