you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
