i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize