It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just cropdusted the office
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
