Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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