Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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